You've been waiting for them with bated breath, so without
further ado here are the 2008 Darwin Awards............
Eighth
Place
In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned
in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an
18-inch-wide
sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.
Seventh Place
A
49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who 'totally zoned when
he ran,'
accidentally, jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily
run.
Sixth Place
While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21,
dug an 8 foot hole for protection from the wind and had been
sitting in
a beach chair at the bottom! When it t collapsed, burying him
beneath 5
feet of sand. People on the beach used their hands and shovels
trying to
get him out but co uld not reach him. It took rescue wor kers
using heavy
equipment almost an hour to free him. Jones was pronounced dead
at a
hospital.
Fifth Place
Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed
as he fell through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was
burglarizing.
Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his
mouth to
keep his hands free rammed into the base of his skull as he hit
the
floor.
Fourth Place
Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was
killed as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a
revolver
loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the
trigger.
Third Place
After stepping around a marked
police patrol car parked at the front door, a man walked into
H&J
Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the store. The shop was
full of
customers and a uniformed officer was standing at the counter.
Upon
seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up! and
fired a
few wild shots from a target pistol. The officer and a clerk
promptly
returned fire, and several customers also drew their guns and
fired. The
robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime
scene
investigators locat ed 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop.
The
subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics
identified
rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was
hurt.
HONOURABLE MENTION
Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife
Bonnie were bored just driving around at 2 A.M. so they lit a
quarter
stick of dynamite to toss out the window to see what would
happen.
Apparently they failed to notice the window was closed.
RUNNER
UP
Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of
them
said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local
bridge in the
middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at
least 10 men
trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon a
rrival at the
midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had brought a
bungee
rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and
pointed out
that a coil of line man's cable, lay near by. They secured one
end around
Bingham's leg and then tied the other to the bridge. His fall
lasted 40
feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the
ankle. He
miraculously survived his fall into the icy water and was
rescued by two
nearby fishermen. Bingham's foot was never located.
AND THE WINNER IS...
Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (
Paderborn, Germany) fed his constipated elephant 22 doses of
animal
laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes
before the
plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief.
Investigators say ill-fated
Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an
olive oil
enema when the relieved beast unloaded.
The sheer force of the
elephant's unexpected de fecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the
ground
where he struck his head on a rock as the elephant continued to
evacuate
200 pounds of dung on top of him.
It seems to be just one of thos e
freak accidents that proves... 'Shit happens'
IT ALWAYS
SEEMS IMPORTANT TO THANK THESE PEOPLE FOR REMOVING THEMSELVES
FROM THE
GENE
POOL
