'Warcraft' Sequel Lets Gamers Play A Character Playing 'Warcraft'

'Warcraft' Sequel Lets Gamers Play A Character Playing 'Warcraft'

Friendship

Friendship between Women:

A woman didn't come home one night The next morning she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it.

 

Friendship between Men:

A man didn't come home one night. The next morning he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends, eight of which confirmed that he had slept over, and two said that he was still there.

tribal fusion

William rushes to the trough when the gong issounded

AUNTY SHARON ...

 

A teacher gave her class of 11 year olds an assignment: To get their parent to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. Ashley said, 'My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg laying hens.. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs got broken.' 'What's the moral of that story?' asked the teacher. 'Don't put all your eggs in one basket!' 'Very good,' said the teacher. Next little Sarah raised her hand and said, 'Our family are farmers too.. But we raise chickens for the meat market. One day we had a dozen eggs, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the moral to this story is, 'Don't count your chickens before they're hatched'.' 'That was a fine story Sarah.' Little Johnny, do you have a story to share?' 'Yes. My daddy told me this story about my Aunty Sharon who was a RAF flight engineer on a plane in the Gulf War and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whisky, a machine gun and a machete. She drank the whisky on the way down so it wouldn't break and then she landed right in the middle of 100 Iraqi soldiers. She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of ammunition. Then she killed twenty more with the machete until the blade broke. And then she killed the last ten with her bare hands.' 'Good heavens, that's some story,' said the horrified teacher, 'what kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?' 'Stay the f**k away from Aunty Sharon when she's been drinking.'

 

Business cards

Anesthesiologist's business card:
When you care enough to sleep with the very best
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Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:
'Dr. Jones, at your cervix.'
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In a Podiatrist's office:
'Time wounds all heels.'
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On a Septic Tank Truck:
Yesterday's Meals on Wheels
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At a Proctologist's door:
'To expedite your visit please back in.'
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On a Plumber's truck:
'We repair what your husband fixed.'
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On another Plumber's truck:
'Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber..'
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On a Church's Bill board:
'7 days without God makes one weak.'
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At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee :
'Invite us to your next blowout.'
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At a Towing company:
'We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows.'
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On an Electrician's truck:
'Let us remove your shorts.'
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In a Nonsmoking Area:
'If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and
take appropriate action.'
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On a Maternity Room door:
'Push. Push. Push.'
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At an Optometrist's Office:
'If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come
to the right place.'
**************************
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On a Taxidermist's window:
'We really know our stuff.'
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On a Fence:
'Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!'
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At a Car Dealership:
'The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car
payment.'
**************************
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Outside a Muffler Shop:
'No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.'
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In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
'Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!'
**************************
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At the Electric Company
'We would be delighted if you send in your payment.
However, if you don't, you will be'
**************************
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In a Restaurant window:
'Don't stand there and be hungry, Come on in and get
fed up.'
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In the front yard of a Funeral Home :
'Drive carefully. We'll wait.'
**************************
At a Propane Filling Station:
'Thank heaven for little grills.'
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And don't forget the sign at a
Chicago
Radiator Shop:
'Best place in town to take a leak 

Unbelievable

The husband leans over and asks his wife, 'Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.'

Yes, she says, 'I remember it well.'

OK,' he says, 'How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?'

Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!'

A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.

The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple str uggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.

So, as the couple passes, he says to them,' Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?'

Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, 'Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence.

Muffin Gun

Angry Kid Series 2: Russian Roulette

AtomFilms.com: Funny Videos | Funny Cartoons | Comedy Central

what's that...

The high cost of living

The price of Gas versus Printer Ink


All these examples do NOT imply that gasoline is cheap; it just illustrates how outrageous some prices are....

You will be really shocked by the last one! (At least, I was...)


Compared with Gasoline......


Think a gallon of gas is expensive?

This makes one think, and also puts things in perspective.


Diet Snapple 16 oz $1.29 ... $10.32 per gallon


Lipton Ice Tea 16 oz $1.19 ..........$9.52 per gallon



Gatorade 20 oz $1.59 .... $10.17 per gallon



Ocean Spray 16 oz $1.25 ......... $10.00 per gallon



Brake Fluid 12 oz $3.15 ....... $33.60 per gallon



Vick's Nyquil 6 oz $8.35 .... $178.13 per gallon



Pepto Bismol 4 oz $3.85 .. $123.20 per gallon



Whiteout 7 oz $1.39 ....... . $25.42 per gallon



Scope 1.5 oz $0.99 .....$84.48 per gallon




And this is the REAL KICKER...


Evian water 9 oz $1.49..$21.19 per gallon! $21.19 for WATER and the buyers don't even know the source

(Evian spelled backwards is Naive.)


Ever wonder why printers are so cheap?

So they have you hooked for the ink.
Someone calculated the cost of the ink at............... (you won't believe it....but it is true........)
$5,200 a gal. (five thousand two hundred dollars)


So, the next time you're at the pump,be glad your car doesn't run on water, Scope, or Whiteout, Pepto Bismol, Nyquil or God forbid, Printer Ink!


Just a little humor to help ease the pain of your next trip to the pump...

And - If you don't pass this along to at least one person, your muffler will fall off!!

Okay, your muffler won't really fall off...but, you might run out of toilet paper

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Madness

A man with a pegleg, hook hand and...

A man with a pegleg, hook hand and an eyepatch went to apply to be a pirate.

Interviewer: How did you get that pegleg?

Pirate: Arrr. I got me leg shot off during the first world war.

Interviewer: How did you get that hook?

Pirate: I got me hand cut off by a big knife.

Interviewer: What about your eyepatch?

Pirate: It was a rainy afternoon and I looked up into the sky and a bird crapped in me eye.

Interviewer: And that put your eye out?

Pirate: No, it was the day after I got me hook.

best friend

Who's your best friend?

 

Without a doubt, it's your dog, not your wife

 

If you don't believe it, just try this experiment…

 

Put your dog and your wife in the trunk of the car for an hour.

 

When you open the trunk, which one is really happy to see you

 

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FW: What Do Retired People Do All Day?

                    What Do Retired People Do All Day?

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.

Well, for example, the other day my wife and I went into town and went into a shop. We were only in there for about 5 minutes. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.

 We went up to him and said, 'Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?' He ignored us and continued writing the ticket.

I called him a Nazi turd. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires.

So my wife called him a shit head. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

Personally, we didn't care. We came into town by bus. We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It's important at our age.

Keep on smilin' !

 

 

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RETIREMENT PLANNING FOR 2008

If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago,

it would now be worth $49.00. 
        
With Enron, you would have had $16.50 left of the original $1000.00.         
        
With WorldCom, you would have had less than $5.00 left. 
        
If you had purchased $1000 of Delta Air Lines stock

you would have $49.00 left. 
         
But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of beer one year ago,

drank all the beer,

then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling refund, 

you would have had $214.00. 
        
Based on the above, the best current investment advice

 is to drink heavily and recycle. 
        
It's called the 401-Keg

 

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Suicidal Muslims...

Everyone seems to be wondering why Muslim terrorists are so quick to commit suicide...Let's see now...
No Jesus
No Christmas
No television
No cheerleaders



No Nude Women
No car races
No football
No soccer
No golf
No tailgate parties
No K-Mart
No pork BBQ
No hot dogs
No burgers
No chocolate chip cookies
No lobster
No shellfish, or even frozen fish sticks
No nachos
No Beer nuts
No Beer!!!!!!!!
Rags for clothes and towels for hats.
Constant pain because they get sick and there are no doctors.
Constant wailing from the guy in the tower.
More than one wife.
You can't shave.
Your wives can't shave.
You can't shower to wash off the smell of camel dung.
The women have to wear baggy dresses and veils at all times.
Your bride is picked by someone else.
She smells just like your donkey.
But your donkey has a better disposition.

Then they tell you that when you die it all gets better!

I mean, really, is there a mystery here?

Meet The Neocons

Bibleman robbed at gunpoint

actor Willie Aames -- yeah, Buddy from Charles in Charge-- and his son Christopher were robbed with the help of a silver steel automatic handgun.At around 10:00 PM last night in Hollywood, a man wearing a black jacket and blue jeans approached Willie and Christopher, pulled a gun and demanded money. They forked over a wallet and loose cash. Total damage -- about $15! Willie and Christopher were unharmed.Were told the robber fled the scene in a black car.

Happy New Year...

Well...We made it through another year mostly unscathed. Mostly none the worse for wear...the tomater plants are still yielding their precious little red gifts much to the dismay of my older

and less wiser sibling who seems to think living in squalor is the normal state of being and can't quite overcome his social disconnect with the world. After all...the only things he can grow are fungal spores between his toes, plaque on his teeth and old. As jealous as he is of his younger brother's obvious talents in contrast to his own limited abilities, I can't really judge him harshly as he has led a tortuous life filled with failure and despair... He use to drink to excess but was forced to quit by the man...now he just sits in judgement of other's.

Well we have a new year ahead of us and only the most contentous election to come along since the Supremes anointed George the fecond to office in 2000. Let me see...do I want the coked out neophite, the embattled power whore or any one of the republican hacks that represent the worst cadre of worthless propagandists to pop up in the political whack-a-polemic contest since the dawn of man...

I suppose I will vote for Hillary just so I can see the likes of Bill O'rally and Shame O'hammy's head explode at the prospet of another Clinton in the Whitehouse...After the longest 8 years I have ever endured she couldn't possibly screw up any more than thay have...

ONIONS & CHRISTMAS TREES

A family is at the dinner table.  The son asks his father, "Dad, how many Kinds of boobs are there?"
  
The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts.  In her 20's, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30's to 40's, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions."
 
"Onions?" the son asked.
  
"Yes.  You see them and they make you cry." the father replied.
  
This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, "Mum, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?"
  
The mother smiles and answers, "Well dear, a man goes through three phases.
In his 20's, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard.  In his 30's & 40's, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable.  After he is 50+, it is like a Christmas tree."

 

"A Christmas tree?" the daughter asked.
  
"Yes, dear - dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration."

 

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