a day at the pro shop

the homestead

bob's travails revealed

Bob the tortoise's travails...

what to do

What's your source of motivation...

balot boy

Balot boy demonstrates the proper technique

Billjamima

see the original

a closer look at the billjamima bottle in the feng shui garden of good and evil...

Everyone wants to be a Reagan republican

The last thing this country needs...

High School Girls' T-Shirts Say WHAT?

"Trust Me...I'm Single"
"Don't Call Me a Cowgirl Until You See Me Ride"
"I Know What Boys Want"
"Yes, But Not With U"
"Your Boyfriend Is a Good Kisser"
"Two Boys for Every Girl"
"Single and Ready to Mingle"
"Flirting My Way to the Top"
"I'm Too Hot to Handle"

 

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Ahhh...imagining that irresistible "new car" smell?
Check out new cars at Yahoo! Autos.

If Someone Wanted To Publish My Blog Entries For Money, I Wouldn't Say No

jimbo_zone recommends a page from The Onion.

The recommended page is: If Someone Wanted To Publish My Blog Entries For Money, I Wouldn't Say No

Jack Pot

I was crestfallen when she left me but all my friends convinced me there were a lot more fish in the sea...and they were right...

Destiny

We all had dreams and aspirations...goals, benchmarks, ideas and ideals...unfortunately the pressures of adulthood and responsibility killed all these things and left me a hulking mass, disinclined to participate in the simplest of human interactions...I became a natural born crueler...

Excuuuuuse Me...

I'm sorry you have to see me like this...

If I had known you were coming I would have put my face on and done my nails...

Don't lose sight of what is important this time of year...Merry Christmas... 

Original artwork Holiday Greeting cards, post cards, Postage Pal and Stamps

Would you believe???

better guard your butter balls...

HEALTH QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this
true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't
waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up
your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can
extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer?
Take a nap.


Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and
corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an
efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain?
Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy
vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily
allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine,
that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even
more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms
up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one.
If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular
exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ... Foods are fried these days in vegetable
oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables
be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the
middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You
should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best
feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had
about food and diets.

And remember:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of
arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to
skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other -
body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO, What a
Ride"

 

I can teach you to hate this finger...