tribal fusion

William rushes to the trough when the gong issounded

AUNTY SHARON ...

 

A teacher gave her class of 11 year olds an assignment: To get their parent to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. Ashley said, 'My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg laying hens.. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs got broken.' 'What's the moral of that story?' asked the teacher. 'Don't put all your eggs in one basket!' 'Very good,' said the teacher. Next little Sarah raised her hand and said, 'Our family are farmers too.. But we raise chickens for the meat market. One day we had a dozen eggs, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the moral to this story is, 'Don't count your chickens before they're hatched'.' 'That was a fine story Sarah.' Little Johnny, do you have a story to share?' 'Yes. My daddy told me this story about my Aunty Sharon who was a RAF flight engineer on a plane in the Gulf War and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whisky, a machine gun and a machete. She drank the whisky on the way down so it wouldn't break and then she landed right in the middle of 100 Iraqi soldiers. She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of ammunition. Then she killed twenty more with the machete until the blade broke. And then she killed the last ten with her bare hands.' 'Good heavens, that's some story,' said the horrified teacher, 'what kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?' 'Stay the f**k away from Aunty Sharon when she's been drinking.'

 

Business cards

Anesthesiologist's business card:
When you care enough to sleep with the very best
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Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:
'Dr. Jones, at your cervix.'
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In a Podiatrist's office:
'Time wounds all heels.'
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On a Septic Tank Truck:
Yesterday's Meals on Wheels
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At a Proctologist's door:
'To expedite your visit please back in.'
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On a Plumber's truck:
'We repair what your husband fixed.'
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On another Plumber's truck:
'Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber..'
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On a Church's Bill board:
'7 days without God makes one weak.'
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At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee :
'Invite us to your next blowout.'
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At a Towing company:
'We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows.'
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On an Electrician's truck:
'Let us remove your shorts.'
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In a Nonsmoking Area:
'If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and
take appropriate action.'
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On a Maternity Room door:
'Push. Push. Push.'
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At an Optometrist's Office:
'If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come
to the right place.'
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On a Taxidermist's window:
'We really know our stuff.'
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On a Fence:
'Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!'
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At a Car Dealership:
'The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car
payment.'
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Outside a Muffler Shop:
'No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.'
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In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
'Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!'
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At the Electric Company
'We would be delighted if you send in your payment.
However, if you don't, you will be'
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In a Restaurant window:
'Don't stand there and be hungry, Come on in and get
fed up.'
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In the front yard of a Funeral Home :
'Drive carefully. We'll wait.'
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At a Propane Filling Station:
'Thank heaven for little grills.'
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And don't forget the sign at a
Chicago
Radiator Shop:
'Best place in town to take a leak 

Unbelievable

The husband leans over and asks his wife, 'Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.'

Yes, she says, 'I remember it well.'

OK,' he says, 'How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?'

Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!'

A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.

The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple str uggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.

So, as the couple passes, he says to them,' Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?'

Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, 'Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence.

Muffin Gun

Angry Kid Series 2: Russian Roulette

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